hope

Am I a horrible person?

I was happy with our relationship before because I knew you liked me more than I liked you. I had the power. I was grateful for the fact that if you changed your mind and wanted to back out, I would not be crushed like I have been in the past. I knew that I could be adored by you without even having to try. I liked you because of the attention you gave me, and the lack of effort I had to make. It was so easy. 

But petty weeks turned into great months and I found that I have fallen for you. I love your crazy hair. I love your effortless optimism. I love how you are so self-assured, but also the least cocky person I know. I love that you trust me with your heart, even though it has been tossed aside in the past. I wish it was still so easy. 

I pray to god that you are a better person than I am. I hope that you don't realize that I relinquished all my power to you. You now have that sovereignty that I was so fond of. You have the potential to break me, and I have never been so fucking terrified. I have been broken before so please please please be more responsible and kind with my heart than I was with yours. 

It doesn't have to be this power struggle. I know you trusted me, even when you shouldn't have. I hope I can trust you, even though I know I already should.