Senin, Desember 16, 2013

Is thankfulness a survival skill?  Perhaps most of you would respond with, "No, thankfulness is not key to survival," and I would tend to agree with you.  Most of us have probably already solved the necessary problems of survival, gone beyond that and are now working to achieve our desires.  But let me give you this key phrase, "Learn to be thankful for what you already have, while you pursue all that you want."  I believe one of the greatest and perhaps one of the simplest lessons in life we can learn is to be thankful for what we have already received and accomplished.

Both the years and the experiences have brought me here to where I stand today, but it is the thankfulness that opened the windows of opportunities, of blessings, of unique experiences to flow my way.  My gratitude starts with my parents who raised me, gave me an incredible foundation that has lasted me all of these years and continues with the mentors that I've met along the way who absolutely changed and revolutionized my life, my income, my bank account, my future.  I am also very thankful for the people, the associations, for the ideas, for the chance to work and labor, and to produce results, all of that has brought me to this place, to this weekend. I'm grateful for it all.

yes I change my font color, cause black is too mainstream (?)

anw, I'm already in Indonesia, and start busy with all the activities. so much things to do but so lazy to start. Now, I'm working on my new project to re-build what I've done before. 

See ya!

Senin, Oktober 14, 2013


tonight i put you in a box. all proclamations of love, the notes, poems, tokens and promises. although you aren't dead, we are no longer alive. the fire that once burned bright in our hearts has been spent. the ashes taken away by the new wind. will the phoenix rise again?

i ask the universe to please take away all feelings but leave the lesson.

Senin, September 23, 2013


You asked me if I have ever been in love that night. I said yes, but you know what, I don’t think I ever have. Looking back at my past relationships there was no one quite like you. Have I ever been in love? My answer now? No, I have never been in love, but I have definitely never felt this for anyone else.

I never had an issue with you coming and going in and out of my life, I actually enjoyed it... until that night. I allowed you into my heart and I know that you allowed me into yours to but you have ignored me ever since. I can’t seem to get you off of my mind. You always put up such a good front with me and I finally saw the raw you, and that raw piece of you is the one that has my heart. I haven’t spoken to anyone about that night because I don’t even know where to begin. All I know is I’m getting tired of your games, I’m tired of you showing me the deepest part of you and then ignoring my every attempt to talk to you.

They say if you love something, let it go… if it comes back to you, then its yours to keep forever. Well J, this is me letting you go, now the rest? Well that’s up to you to decide, but just know, I won’t wait for you forever.

Minggu, September 15, 2013

head above water

Did you ever picture life like this

No shooting star to grant your wish
Are you everything you hoped you'd be
Or caught somewhere in between
You dropped your nickel down a wishing well
And prayed for luck to cast its spell
To bring you closer to your dreams
That always seem just out of reach

You pray to God the moment when
You feel the current pull you in

Try to keep your head above water
Has never been harder
Even when it feels hopeless
You're gonna get through this
Head above water, gotta fight from going under
Even when it feels useless to wish
You're gonna get through this

Have you ever felt like giving in
Tried for hours but just can't win
Tell yourself you're not good enough
The struggle alone is just too much
No one's there to hear you scream
You gasp for air but cannot breathe
Did you ever think you'd see the day
When you'd watch your life get washed away

Well, I did

Selasa, April 30, 2013


T'was nice to have you over for a bit. Just playing around at the playground and walking around the estate, almost as close as lovers go. All that playful talk and doublespeak, the coy holding of hands and the bloopers that never seem to escape us. I like spending time with you, I do.

And when we couldn't continue avoiding the phone calls that chased us away I bent down and planted a kiss, the words inadvertently slipped out and I let slide an admission of my feelings. So I try to cover it up with feigned nonchalance and rehearsed finesse, but I do believe I meant it. I did.

I know you can never see yourself going the distance with me, and should we even try I know we'll be faced by far too many challenges you would want to have on your plate. To begin with... We aren't even supposed to be emotionally or physically available for each other. I must admit when we first started talking I took it lightly, say, like someone to fill in the times for when she is gone, but as we moved along I found myself getting more and more attached to you. That said, I've been trying hard to pull back and head back into where I'm supposed to be, but her nonchalance and mistreatment, coupled with how you say the most tender things sometimes, I find myself faltering out of track.

Perhaps what I need now is to eradicate myself of the alliances that I know are bad for me. But who defines good and bad? What if... The person that drives you so deliriously ecstatic is the same one that causes you to feel so inadequate and upset all the time?

And here's where I become a confused emotional wreck. I will not allow myself to go back to where I was at the beginning of the relationship. And I cannot bring myself to love her wholeheartedly and willingly, and fall back on her with no reservations any longer. I am tired, and I am spent. I've spent too many days waiting on her and too many nights crying myself to sleep. It hurts to know that I'm never factored into her plans, that she could if she tried but she doesn't, but what can I do or say?

Festivities are supposed to be happy moments but lately they've turned out to be the loneliest and saddest times of my life. But what do I know? And how can I change things?

I won't lie. I enjoy the attention I get from the girls around me, the things they do and the lengths they would go. But of course, if I could, I would love to stay faithful and stop cheating. Be the man I was. So in love with her, and just her. she was my kind of perfect, my kind of everything. I loved her as fiercely and as charmingly as I could. Protected her and rooted for her. I would love to be that man again. But how? How?

And how? When I find myself getting more and more attached to you with every touch?

It's a Catch-22. I don't know what to do.