you + me = perfect

I just realised, how small I feel when you aren't with me. How scared I am of everything, when I can't be with you, or when you turn away. How everything in my life means nothing at all anymore, when I can't share it with you. How alone I feel when you aren't here to understand my ways. How incomplete I am without you.. Everything is half. Or nothing. It's like a big gap has been punched through my heart. A part is missing. You took it with you, the biggest part of my heart, and therefore because it's with you, I can not share it with anyone else anymore. It will always be with you. Nothing compares to you. Once you've had a taste of perfection. And you aren't even actually perfect. You have imperfections. But dear God, how I love all of them.

You are perfect to me. For me. With me. For I am not perfect either. I am still trying to not mess up. And to be as good as I can for you. Because even though when I was with you, it felt like I could never be with anyone else like I am with you, it still felt like I couldn't deserve you. In a good way. You are way up there for me. And I'm always trying to reach. To touch it. I don't just love you. I'm with you. Everything in me is you. Every memory I have. I don't know how to love without you. I don't know if I want to. Everything is gone. I wish I could say that I'm better off, but it feels like I won't ever meet anyone like you ever again. It feels like I won't ever love again like I did with you. Passionately. I didn't know I could feel this empty. But in a way it's addictive, because it makes me feel that what we had is... was real. That it wasn't just something. The memories are a drug to me and kill me.

I'm not a perfect person, there's so many things I wish I didn't do. I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new. haha. and you know what? the reason is you! 

Maybe I can't be the one that you want. but I keep trying my best. to. be. with. you. I know I'm far from your expectation. haa maybe I put my hopes too high. This lately I'm losing you . Where are you, girl ? i miss your crazy words and terrible story in stupid chat with you.

Back, please.

XOXO

holy-die

ho ho ho ho holiday aya ya ya aiya iya aiya iya #eh

nah, holiday is coming to town everybodeeeeeeeee! but have no idea where to go or what to do

mom and dad get fight yesterday until today . today is their sweet 18 anniversary but whyyyy oh whyy . c'mon fight on your anniversarry day ?!

anw, i'm reading Catching Fire, 2nd book of Hunger Games, so far so good, still continue-ing .
well, bye, wanna continue-ing again this "fire" book.

XOXO

Tera-ers

hihihi tera-ers celebrating icha and kabe's birthday!
Actually a little too late for surprising Icha ... but nevermind......nevermind i'll find someone like youuuuuuuuuuuu #eh
So, we told to Icha that we wanted to make a surprise for Kabe, but, we told Kabe that we wanted to make a surprise for Icha .. HA! William and I had so much fun bcause the plan went smoothly..

hehe afraid of smthng ? or lookin' for smthng ?

what r u lookin for cha ? lol

cha, i've told you, there's nothing there

Throw it to Icha!

auch!

auch!

Ups! Kabe time!

*rotate*

kabe with his cake

forgot to uploading Icha's cake ... later lah .. or check my instagram! @nikroez

PS: TODAY IS MY DAD'S BIRTHDAY!!!!

chocodevil  :9

Daddy!

blow ur candle dad!

today we had so much fun surprising him with surprise (?) 

okay, 0: 20 am

time to sleep, Good Night and Good Morning!

XOXO

if i could......

I think the reason I can’t handle this is because I have so many regrets. If I could go back and do things over, I would change everything. From the start, I would tell you how much you meant to me. I would be honest. I’d tell you about how much I liked your hair and your funny, awkward little laugh and your silver-capped teeth and your wrinkly hands and the way you’d look at me so seriously, through your lashes, and make my stomach flip flop.

If I could do it over, I’d realized how much you appreciated me. How you truly cared about me, not just FOR me, but ABOUT me. You cared what I had to say. You cared if I was sad or a little lost.

I’m so sorry for everything.

-N to N-

XOXO

where have you been?!

missyousodamnmuchgirl

what happen ? you've been acting strange lately. this is not you . please don't change . 

am I doing something wrong ? it's like, you stay away from me. real different from 2-3 months ago ... 

I just want you close to me, where you can stay forever.

well, i don't know you'll read this or not, but please don't give me fake signal!

hey you! yes you!

From the first day I met you I was hooked.. there was no going back. That one "bump" changed my life. 

You always ask if I knew what I was getting myself into would I have stayed? The answer is: Yes, yes a million times. I loved you for who you are and nothing could of changed that. Distance and time, they don't matter. You've loved and accepted me for exactly who I am, you put up with my every flaw, each day I fall more and more in love with you. As you go and chase your dreams you will always have my heart. We're the dynamic duo. I am so proud of you. I love you bigger than the sky.

To everyone else: If you love her, don't let her go. Time is precious. and you know what? maybe she love you, it's okay, it's her right to love anybody. Let the little things go and enjoy the time you have. If she makes you feel loved each and everyday, if you can be yourself when you're with her, if she can make you laugh, if she is your best friend. Don't give up, in the end it's worth it all. Believe.

afraid

i love your smile - cause it makes me happy
i love your hands - cause when you hold me i fell like i'm home
i love your voice - cause it lights up my whole day to hear it
i love your hugs - cause they makes me feel special
i love your chest - cause your heartbeat makes me calm

but most of all i love your eyes - cause when i look into them i see you

this describes exactly how i feel when i am with her (the girl who is everything; beautiful, nice, funny, sweet, understanding... just perfect, you know). how every touch makes my heart beat like crazy, but also how much they hurts because she isn't mine. how i want to stay in her hug forever- but can't. that i feel like i'm the only boy in the world when she smiles at me, and how it breaks my heart when we're apart. that everything i dream of is to share my life with her. i don't care if i'm not the first boy she ever loved. i just want that i'm the last.

i want to tell her exactly how i feel. i dream of that - but i am to shy and she is now one of my best best friend and soooo afraid that it will ruin everything. 

PS: Hey, i didn't mean to hurt you, Sorry

i want to tell you......

I want to tell you that I like you.

But I can't tell you that, can I?

I want to tell you to forget about him. 

He's a great guy, the best, and you two are good together,

but I still want to tell you to tell him 

to fuck off and to be with me.

I want to tell you

that since the moment I met you

I can't even get your face

out of my brain.

But I can't tell you that,

that all I want right now

in the world

is to take you away with me.

No him, no here, no this.

Just us.

Just for ONE day. You know?

But I can't tell you that.

I mean, you can't make me.

I mean, what kind

of a person would I be

if I went and told you

something like that?

XOXO 

continue....

sorry for lateeeee hehehe

WEEK 2
i went to retreat with church! all of my friends went there with their parents . but me ? just me and sister ......

my room... and there's connecting door to the other room

souvenir!

friends!

WEEK 3

went to Palembang for Choir at GKY Palembang , another branch of my church at Sumatra... and their church is so so so big! 

D-1 !!

Team Fidelis + ansamble GKY Kelapa Gading 

D-Day

@ Gelora Sriwijaya, Wisma Atlit

Amper Bridge at evening

WEEK 4

mossy and XIS1 meetup!

mossy ..... a week before the new student enter the school, they've like an orientation at school by OSIS

they divided into several groups and play game and others stuff and each group have their own name ... and this year name is from goddess 

so this is me and my team .. POSEIDON!

POSEIDON POSEIDON!

anddddddd XIS1 gathering finally this is happened!

XIS1

a-shit-lum!

actually, there's a pic of the real assylum but too lady to import the photos from phone . 

enough for today . bye

XOXO